My grandparents’ home in Steubenville, Ohio. This picture was probably taken in the late 30′s or early 40′s but is very close (sans horse) to what I remember from the 50′s and 60′s. My sisters and I spent hundreds of hours playing in the yard or on the covered porch.
The Right Speed for Family Life
“This time, like all times, is a very good one. If we but know what to do with it.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tempo Giusto
Is there a right speed for family life? Is there a pace that enhances relationships rather than hinders?
The great composers labored over their compositions, choosing the perfect tempo for their work. They recognized the correct tempo was critical and could energize their masterpiece or render it lifeless on the page.
The often used tempos: adagio, lento and allegro, determine not only the pace but also the mood of the composition. In Gail Godwin’s book, Heart, she offers a personal interpretation of the lesser known “tempo giusto.”
“The Italians have a musical notation not found in any other language: tempo giusto, ‘the right tempo.’ It means a steady, normal beat, between 66 and 76 on the metronome. Tempo giusto is the appropriate beat of the human heart.[1]
There is a ‘right tempo’ for family life, a steady, unhurried tempo that allows the masterpiece to come to life. Our choice of tempo sets the pace at which we live and contributes to the mood in our home.
The “right tempo” injects stops and rests in our allegro and fortissimo lives, giving us moments to reflect on the small but critical relational elements that make our house a warm and inviting home. The “right tempo” for our family should reflect the steady beat of our hearts.
Family life suffers from our culture’s addiction to speed. With each frantic tick of the clock, we batter our health, relationships and peace of mind as we struggle to keep up. Crucial life conversations are squeezed in between practices, performances, games and play dates. We choke every time we hear ourselves bark, “Hurry up!”
The Sabbath has become a day to catch up on chores and errands rather than a day to re-connect with God, family and friends as we experience “the rest of God,” or as Mark Buchanan reminds us, “the facets of God we discover only through stillness.”[2]
My grandparents cherished ‘tempo giusto.’ Hot summer days slid by while they sipped sweating glasses of iced tea, spending hours parked in metal lawn chairs, swatting mosquitoes and watching little girls in sundresses chase fireflies. Their unhurried gait allowed for impromptu words of encouragement, laughs, smiles and hugs that have left me a richer person.
Fifty years later, I would declare that my grandparents lived at the right speed for family life. While it is unrealistic to expect a return to the peaceful summer days of the 1950’s, who can deny that we are being unwillingly swept downstream in a current of anxiety, hurry and stress? We daily gasp for air as we struggle to keep our bobbing heads above the roaring water.
It is time to recover our own “tempo giusto.”
As a grandparent, I assumed I would have found my “tempo giusto” by now.
But, I confess, I haven’t.
Today, I recommit myself to reassessing my life, refining my priorities and finding just the right speed so that I can better enjoy the fleeting moments of my grandchildren’s early years.
What are you doing to find your right speed? Please share your ideas on ways you are slowing down and enjoying life with your family.
[1] Gail Godwin, Heart: A Personal Journey Through Its Myths and Meanings (New York, NY: William Morrow, 2001)
[2] Mark Buchanan, The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Sabbath, (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2006) p.48
I wish someone had told me years ago that I needed to slow down and focus on my own self-care. As women, we are taught to put everyone else first, to take care of our families, home, careers, community, and so on and so on, finally taking care of ourselves with what is left over. How much more relaxed and joyful I would have been so often if I had rested more and said “NO” when asked to do things that I really didn’t want to do. Fortunately, in my Over-50 life, I am at last discovering the rich rewards of just “being” instead of “doing.”
You are so right–our culture prescribes that we move at lightning speed every day. It is so much more important–yes, critical to our wellbeing– to schedule “me time” daily, to fully rest, breathe deeply and speak affirmations to honor the wonderful women we are! We deserve to take care of ourselves, to focus on our own needs and allow good things to come our way. “Rest, rejuvenate and reclaim your life” is a message I preach constantly, and, as hard as it is to do, I even practice it myself as often as possible. If my mind, body and spirit are exhausted, then what good am I to anyone?
Stop, sit & reflect, breathe deeply, and soak in the goodness all around you. Then you will live in your “tempo guisto” for a very long time!
Susan, I especially appreciate your thoughts on self care. We neglect ourselves and expect to be able to give and give to our loved ones. It sounds as if the first place to start is with nurturing our own souls and bodies.
Thanks for your insight!
Great Post Kay!
I love the book Homer Price, because Homer and his friends have fun doing nothing. We all need to not only read it, we need to follow Homer’s example.
We need to buy a new calendar for 2011 and only add back on it 50 percent of what is on it now.
Once the last of our five children left home it took some time to adjust to the craziness that had been our lives for so very long. It took years for me to stop buying so many groceries or for finding the need to shop in bulk. We were so used to activities almost everynight and all weekend that when it ended we were almost in shock. But in just a little while, life settled into a new normal that we love! We both still work full time and for me teaching still requires many afterschool activities. But many nights and weekends you will find us enjoying “The Joy of Nothingness”! We go for bike rides and go to the gym and church of course, but we truly are enjoying the slower life that we are being afforded at this time of our lives. Thanks for your post!
Susan, Yes…life changes drastically when the kids are all gone! It takes some time–but these can be wonderful years, can’t they? Thanks for the encouragement for those of us who are struggling with finding a new kind of balance in our lives. God Bless. K
Thanks for the tweet. I love talking about the Lord. I must say that you’re a young looking grandma. I want to be like you when I grow up.
Janiese, thank you for the kind words! A friend took the picture in her front yard–the light was just right and it made me look WAY younger than I usually do! (I am 61). I hope you and your family have a wonderful Fourth of July! Grace and Peace to you…